Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in valianttco's LiveJournal:

Thursday, March 25th, 2004
10:49 am	Long time no whine! Well, yeah. Long time I havn't posted... but now the time has come to pass that I return to my pc and think about posting yet again. How friggin' poetic...somebody shoot me. Orderly queues of 10 please... So, after a gruesome week at work, I can safely say (again), that working a nightshift, then sleeping 3 hours, then working another nightshift, -not- sleep at all, DM 2 modules of LG, leaves me with no energy whatsoever to work another nightshift. So, what does a grown up man do in this kind of situation? Yeah, call in sick. So I did. And now I'm sick. Funny thing about calling in sick when your exausted like that: my friends and family acually helped me call in sick. Why? Well, for one thing: I'm changing jobs anyway. These are the bastards that send me the letter on new years day saying: "Happy New Year, your fired! Along with 140 others". So, do I care about the fact that they need me to fill in the empty spots at work? Riggggght. So, today I went to the doctor. I got some sweet sweet medicine and told my work I'll be out for another 3 days. Internet & medical recources rule... Not that I acually went, but hey, that's what I tell them. And what's the worst that can happen? They fire me? Now -there- is a threat that lost it's charisma a long time ago. So, being happily sick the last couple of days I went back in training. Back to the gym. I found out that 3 weeks of doing nothing, eating and drinking guiness beer have left me with less strength, less stamina and....less weight? I lost over a kilo. Must be muscle or something... So, if you want to loose weight: go to England, drink Guiness. Also, yesterday I had my first class in Kickboxing in weeks. Gosh that was jolly fun. Especially when the teacher tells you to match up with somebody your same hight and weight, which you do... and I end up with Engelbert. Now let met tell you something about this guy, alright? I know him for about 4 years. The first time I met this guy, he was scrawny, short and overall just a pipsqueek. As in: we went basketballing and there Engelbert came: *bump* "oops...sorry Engelbert...hope you didn't break anything. By the way, how does the pavement taste?" *swish* *score* *laugh* Now, recent events in his life like having a child, breaking up with its mother and so on left him kind of bitter. So, what did he do? Work out his agression on her? Nope...in the gym... I havn't seen him for over 2 years or so...and now this guy's back. He's still small, but this guy is HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE ON MUSCLES!!! His arms are like friggin' sledgehammers. At least 3x as big as mine. He's the guy you see on covers of fitness magazines and all. So there I stood, staring into the eyes of 'Engelbert, the grinning-vengeance-taker-with-a-bad-attitude-and-a-lot-of-musclemass-to-fit-the-grin'. And my Kickboxing teacher tells me I have to wrestle him. Now what part of life am I willing to sacrifice here? Rules were: 3 seconds of pinning your opponent on the ground and you win. So, after a good *gulp* and a broad smile from Engelbert, we started. We did yer regular wrestling at first. The part where you try to get hold of eachothers arms 'n stuff. That kinda didn't work for the both of us. His holds were like massive, but somehow I managed to get out of them. So, what could I do? Ah!! Sheer brilliance! I would use TWO of my arms to grab ONE of his, and then toss him over my hip/shoulder. Just like I learned in Judo class, 12 years ago... riiiiiiight. I ended up looking quite funny when he just said 'no' and I tried to move the immovable rock. He decided it was time for me to take flying lessons, so hey...there I went: "wheeeeeeeeeeee, look mommy, no hands!!" and landed flat on the canvass. Problem wass, I got back up in an instant. So, there I was. No dignity left. I decided things were hopeless, but I really wanted to try again. So, I imagined he was a 'bad-guy' from work. And suprise: that worked! He looked baaaaad. Anyway, I grabbed him by the waist and by his upper leg, lifted him off the ground, kept hold of him, put him down flat on his back and inintiated a pin for 3 seconds. Yay, I won! After that though, we had to do 50 sit-ups. This was just too much for me, so after those when we had to kick da bag, I did some kickin' and then the room started to spin around. Sooo, I kinda called it quits. Seems like my stamina and dignity need a real boost. Especially since my Kickboxing teacher is my new employer.... Current Mood: cheerful (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 15th, 2004
3:32 pm	Yeah baby But I'm such a sweet guy? I'm a Heretic! Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You? Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons Current Mood: annoyed (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 10th, 2004
9:10 pm	Lesbians, lesbians everywhere..... After a total boring day of watching 100.000 episodes of Futurama, I decided to head out to the gym. There I found out that being in love with Linda 'has no use'. This either means she's not interested in me, but more likely she's part of the vast populations of lesbians out there. Man, I knew it. I create them! Well, time to suck it up and move on. Somebody please shoot me? Current Mood: silly (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 9th, 2004
10:04 pm	Life sucks, then you die. (just make sure the sucking part was nice) Ahh, a beautifull day of waking up having to decide if you still have a hangover from last weekend, or that it's just the light hurting your eyes because you've died and became a vampire. I got my exausted arse up after murdering my alarm clock by pointing a banana at it and yelling: "BANG". Score 20 points for the serial killer, please. -Then- I had breakfast... since there was absolutely nothing that resembles food in my home, save some bird in a cage, which I generally call 'pets', I decided that this was going to be one of them crappy days ever. Especially because I found out that I was comming down with the flu. Headaches and running nose, combined with what I think is either an ear infection or my wisdom tooth needs a solid yanking. So, what does a manly man do at this point? Of course: going on a job-intervieuw. In Amsterdam, none the less. Feeling like the toadstools on santa's crap, I made my way to Amsterdam again. Somehow on my way I felt like Deja-Vu. Amsterdam Duivendrecht passed by...I was in a train... nah, can't be deja-vu. Must be a glitch in the Matrix. In any case, I got at that office, having fed myself with some food on the way. I acually got some coffee before beginning the intervieuw, which saved my life. The talk was alright, especially because I did some effort on 'looking my best' and the person intervieuwing was either drooling at the sight of me, or she was acually interesed in what I had to say. Either way, she was great :) Went back home and decided I still felt like crap, but passed a job-center. They acually offered me some kind of job in the horeca (hotel, restaurant, cafe) section. Hell if I know -what- exactly I had to do, but they didn't know either. The person who asked me wasn't there. Well, there goes another great career, I suppose. The rest of the day I spend (and am spending) trying to think up what the hell I'm going to do with all my spare time. Why? Because I'll be loosing my job in 1.3456432345 months. I took my days off before that. So hey, I came up with a few things: 1. Get another job. 2. Work on the Crimson Empire game 3. Fitness & Kickbox even more. 4. Work my way into Linda's heart. (the girl with the brownies) 5. Take Jules to my hell-dimension and rock her world. Screw the real one. 6. Think of even more ways to make Linda notice & like/love me. (I'm thinking about hypnosis, torture or other regular brainwashing machines. Maybe I should put advertising of myself on television and radio...) So, anyone got any more ideas or advice on how to succeed with any of the above? I'm open to them. Current Mood: mischievous (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 8th, 2004
9:09 pm	My life, Conception and 1999 ways to get home alive... Oh...my...god. I made it home. But what at time has it been. After a fun weekend of LG at HomeCon, I left for home on tuesday. Which is acually -not- the day when HomeCon ends, but hey...it's held at my families home, so I stayed a bit longer. After arriving at my home, I got my stuff together and headed for Schiedam. After arriving there, I met up with Randakar, the guy who's got it all. He and his girlfriend Kaetje were so nice to let me stay over and give me a lift to Schiphol airport so we'd fly together and I wouldn't be late for my plane. Anyway, wednesday was a full day of travelling towards Conception, a convention for all sorts of gamers, games and insane people. Which is something that fits me just fine, because from time to time I need an emotional exaustion pipe and go completely nutz, having the most fun at the expence of whatever is available, including myself. I woke up at 5 am to travel, and arrived there at about 14.00 hours or so. The travelling was pleasant and the feeling of going on a vacation was starting to kick in. Finally I was released from the reality that I call 'life & work'. First thing I did? Well, meet up with the French roleplayers and play my guts out in Living Greyhawk. I can tell: those guys had it all. Huge chalet, plenty of food and...wine....FRENCH wine. Real French wine. God I love them :) The whole thursday I spend looking for more LG games, which were hard enough to find. Especially with the lack of sleep I put on myself. But hey, I wanted a challenge, not a stroll though the park. Another 2 things catched my eye: Jules and the Australian girl. Well, Jules in particular, because I don't know her that well, and I must say that I havn't talked to her that much with her at the Con, but still, somehow she seemed to attract all the attention in the room to her. I couldn't have that. That was my 'thing'. Hey, she's stealing my 'thing'. Even worse: I could -never in hell- win. She, after all, is a woman and I am just a mere man. Also, because of this, this girl...this Jules...captured my interest. Not in a romantical way, oh no, but more like a study project. Why? I've been reading up on her livejournal as lots have, of course, and I was really intreagued on how she'd be 'in real life'. Well, I guess I found out a bit of it. I have one solid verdict: Man, do I LOVE her style! I'll leave it up to her and her livejournal to write what she all did over there, but I can just say that I loved it. The only thing I was amazed about was that she (probably, but not likely) followed up my advice to her on how to solve her stress. ("Get layed!") So maybe it's indirectly my 'fault' just a bit. In any case, I loved her style. Anyway, on thursday I joined up on a game called 'Killer'. Basicly you wear a badge saying your a killer and your on a certain team (I joined Randakar, Jules and Frosty and we were the dreaded Yellow team). But since I was bored out of my head, I kinda decided to take it -very- seriously and go completely berzerk with it. Basicly you get handed a banana (and a list of other funny killing weapons you were to use, like pillows, red crepe paper and beer crates) and are sent out to go kill other players of other teams. I won't bother you with the details, but on saterday that particular game ended with the Yellow team having the most kills, the most points and me havint the biggest reputation for being the most insane serial killer, who went on a killing spree, not being catched by the police and leaving loads of witnesses to my murders. I just have two things to say about that: 1. "I have a loaded banana and I'm not afraid to use it!" 2. "Don't mess with Frosty, DM's, or you'll get toasted." **which the DM's found out quite quickly** Friday was a big bust for me: Not a single game of LG for me to play. So, instead I played the Killer game and some Crimson Empire. A great game new game which I'm gonna run tables of here in Holland (http://www.crimsonempire.co.uk/) There was this morning thing though, where the organisation put up sheets to sign up for LG games at 8am. They were all filled up within 3 minutes. Everybody wanted to play the friggin' game, but the organisation kinda lacked DM's and well....maybe organisation. But hey, I got on them. Saterday was a fun packed day. After having enormous amounts of luck still getting my LG games, I went out to find myself the Australian girl. She is one of those girls who you fall in love with, but is quite unreachable, due to the fact that she doesn't (want to) notice me, but still acts quite normal and friendly around me. Difficult situation, especially since when it comes to love, I'm already quite lost. But hey. I had fun but passed out in my chalet after a very unsuccessfull evening trying to a: find her and b: get her to like me. Sunday was a day of Crimson Empire and DMming a LG adventure, plus finding out what the hell a 'Guiness' was. Alright, ever looked at a beer? As in: really looked? When you put it on a table, the liquid inside the glass...the acually beer...flattens out equally. Completely flat. This beer however, having suffered a single sip, forms mountains, hills and valleys in your glass, even when you put it on a perfect flat surface. THIS IS NO BEER, THIS IS TAR!!! OH DEVIL, I love this stuff!!!! So, me being the evil DM from the Abyss, I got free Guiness all night from my players as a sacrifice to keep them alive. And yes, I did fold to the powers of the bribes. They lived, I got to my chalet drunk, and as I'm writing this, over 24 hours later, I'm either still drunk or having the best hangover ever! Today (monday) was the day of endless travel and agression. Our crew set off for the Netherlands. 1. Taxi cab to trainstation 2. Train to subway (2 hours or so) 3. Subway to another subway 4. Subway to another trainstation 5. Train to airport 6. Trollybus to airport itself 7. Flying to Schiphol. And after that, everything went kabloey. For one thing, it's quie painfull when everybody in your crew gets swarmed, hugged and kissed by friends and lovers while your standing there alone, waving yer little hand going "hey, happy to be back as well. I'm Mark, I'll go hide in my corner now." Randakar got picked up by his girlfriend Kaetje and they invited my to go have some food. But I took one look at their faces and decided that they'd better go have some solid hours of sex without me hampering them, so I decided to take the train to Utrecht. I left them, and from that time on, everything went wrong. I was tired, annoyed and feeling super agressive. I was looking for a fight and would take any excuse to start one. Luckily I was at Schiphol. So hey, my wish was granted. When I went to get my ticket for the train, an english bum got swarmed by about 5 security guards, telling him he was not allowed to beg in the hallway and he should piss off. Oh, by the way, I'm a security guard myself and at that point I thought: Pansies!!!! You need 5 men to tell him that? Ah, well, who cares. Not my territory anyway. But then I went to my platform to wait for my train. Guess who was there? The english bum, begging me for money. Now, I have to tell you one thing: I have no religion at all, but I take from different religions things that I like and live that way. One of the things I 'took' was something like this: "When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him." The 11 'rule' of Satanism. So... I took a long stare into his eyes and told him literally: "No, and get the fuck ouf of here, or I'll beat you to pulp like the dog you are. You are annoying me." He took the bleeding hint and shuffeled off, out of my sight. So, I stepped into my train when it finally arrived and just sat there. Guess who shuffeled in? Right...the english bum. He took one look at me and his eyes went wide. I told him to get off the friggin' train and stop harassing people right now, but would he listen? Nooooooo.... So I grabbed him and literally tossed his arse out of the train. With that, the train closed it's doors and moved on. But did things end? Noooooo.... Even more pissed off and tired I ended up at station Duivendrecht: The absolute hell-hole of trainstations in Holland. I missed my connection train to Utrecht by 3 seconds (saw it leave) and had to wait 20 minutes for the next one. So I sat myself down on a bench and waited. In the mean time, an ICE train stopped at my platform. It was also heading for Utrecht, but this was an international train and you need a special ticket for it. Also, it doesn't allow bicicles in there. Which one guy refused to understand. There was this skinny black dude with a bike who just stepped in there, RIGHT in front of me. The train conductor (or whatever you call the card snipping guys) started to blow his whistle like a madman and sprinted towards him. He started to preach to the black skinny guy that he should get off the train, because his bike wasn't allowed. Of course this guy put up a fight. In poor dutch he insulted the uniformed card-snipper and refused to leave the train. Again, right in front of my face. The card-snipper then took hold of him, and wanted to to -my- bleeding trick!!! Thing was, this black skinny guy was putting up a fight. Now, if there is one thing I can't stand, is causing problems and being a plain arsehole. The card-snipper is the boss of the train, so hey, suck it up and wait for the next -cheaper- train about to arrive after 5 minutes!!! But, no. He had to fight the card-snipper, right in front of my face. So... I grabbed the skinny black dude, complete with bike and everything, dragged him out of the train and gave him a single trip 'pavement'. Immediately the card-snipper closed the doors and the train buggered off. "YEAH!!! THANK -YOU- VERY MUCH AS WELL, ARSEHOLE!!" Never trust a card-snipper. Now, this guy stood up and wanted to assault me. The only thing I did was reach out with my hand and plainly pushed him off. It turned out this guy was way not stronger then me, and got pushed back quite a distance, but was still standing. He go the message: He couldn't beat me. But still he was verbally agressive. Problem was, I heard about 4 screams comming from behind me. I thought: "Ah...right...here comes the cavalry...his friends" And yep, 4 other black guys showed up and circled me. Now, this is where I made an estimation. 1. I can -not- beat them all in physical combat. 2. I can't outrun them all, not with my luggage. 3. These guys are as STUPID AS HELL! So, I turned to the 4 guys, and one of them (big guy) asked me what was going on. I told him that his friend was in big trouble, fighting the train personell and I saw some train cops moving into him, so I pulled him and his bike out, so he wouldn't get in trouble. With the bike and all. I apologised at the spot to them that I had to do it that way, but it was the only way to help their friend from getting his dumb ass -not- arrested! The 4 guys looked at me and went: "uhmn...ok. Thanks." And slapped the skinny black guy over the head, leavint with the next train into nowhere. Yeah baby, I estimated correctly: They -are- fucking stupid. So, I went on the next train, and what happends? A big dude starts smoking a joint -in- the friggin' train. Being totally pissed off, super agressive and not in the mood at all, I decided to just walk out on this one. He'll probably get himself killed anyway. On arriving at Utrecht central station, I made my way to the busses. On top of the stairway, a bum was begging me for money. I just stared coldly in his eyes and said: No..... I went down the stairs, and there was ANOTHER bum begging me for money! They had taken over the friggin' stairs!! But this guy I knew from work. I had already thrown this guy off my property a million times, but he didn't recognise me without my uniform. I decided to ignore him, and turned around to go to my bus. Literally 2 feet away was ANOTER FRIGGIN' BUM! I knew this guy also. After a nightshift I went home and he was harassing me over and over again at the busstop for money. He wouldn't leave me alone... But now he just started again. So I again looked into his eyes and said something in the way of: "Get out of my way, or I'll kill you where you stand." He looked shocked but did move... good thing as well, because my bus was already departing!! I chased it and the driver stopped. It seemed like the driver recognised me, since I somehow end up in this guys bus a lot. So hey, that was my luck. I arrived home safely and with a lot of wisdom added..... 1: Oce in your life, live the life of a bum. You'll understand them better. 2: When you do that, avoid bastards like me. 3: I attract agressive and annoying bums, not pretty girls. I'll go die now, if you guys don't mind..... Current Mood: exhausted (11 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 19th, 2004
10:41 pm	Freezing my Royal Rasta Balls off.... Well, today was -the- day. I had it all planned. Go do some shopping. Buy ingredients to bake a real traditional calory bombastic brownie! And I did. I did it all. Plan was me showing up with the brownie at field hockey practise and using that as an excuse to be there, watch Linda play and afterwards ask her for a drink. Hey, great plan, right? Well... The brownie thing worked like a charm. I acually had an excuse for existing there. So, I went over there and gave her the brownie. She was all smiling and such. Complimented me on my huge black eye I got from Kickboxing and then...well...I turned around to walk off the field and go home.... But she acually asked me to stay and watch. Which I was hoping for. God, was I stupid... IT WAS FREEEEEEEEEEEEEZINGGGGGGGGG I spend the next 1.5 hours watching girls beat a ball with a stick, running around like crazy, while I was frozen solid to the ground, not willing to move, hoping the torture would end, with the only thing keeping me alive being the hope we'd have some hot choco or something. But of course, when they were finally done (gosh, that Linda can play!) they went straight home. This was -the- moment...me having to ask her... but then it hit me: HOW THE HELL WAS I GOING TO GET TO ANY KIND OF ESTABLISHMENT? When I don't have a car and she was on a bike...and she was there with her sister...both heading home. So...I walked a few feet with her, saw her ride off with her sister and well..that was it. My frozen ass on my way to the bus station where I didn't bother to take the bloody bus, because I was freeeeeeeeeezing and I took a taxi. (treintaxi) The only thing that acually went right was a little line she said: "Next time, bring it to my home." Now, it was just mentioned very quickly...but hey...grasping at straws here.... So, am I pathetic, or what? Current Mood: cold (5 Comments |Comment on this)
6:20 pm	Meet the real me Why oh why do I always get these kind of results when I take these silly internet tests? I tell you, if I get one more like this, I'll sue the site owners, send hackers at it, sick the IRS on them and when they are through, I'll cut the heads of their children really slow so that they scream in pain while they watch me do it.... And then I'll have some tea...yes... Yours are DEMON wings, possibly resembling those of a bat - huge, black, and clawed. You are cold and impure, and a born Creature of the Night. Possibly with an interest in those of a vampyric nature, or possibly one yourself. You have little sympathy or care for humanity and see them as existing for no real purpose - thus, you can be very manipulative and bend them to fit YOUR purpose. And you do have a purpose, to everything you do. Nine times out of ten it will be strictly for your own self gratification or perhaps merely amusement. As soon as a person or situation is no longer productive or pleasurable in your life, you will rid yourself of it or them. You could very well have just a touch of superiority complex (or perhaps more than a touch?). Despite all of this, you are capable of love so intense that you place that person's wishes even above your own - the only time that you will do so. Chances are you are attracted to people in which you see...yourself. Though many hate you for your carelessness and evil...Sexy, fierce, sinful, and mysterious...you turn me on. *~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~* brought to you by Quizilla (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 18th, 2004
9:51 pm	1...2....3....your out! Last couple of days were just perfect. Preparing for some more D&D games, working and well, today was my day off. The weekend was quite fun. After working late I decided I still needed a social life, so hey, I went to the local bar/dancing. When I arrived at about 01.30 hours, the place was quite full of people, good music and just your regular fun place to be. Problem was: -not a single- person I knew was in the place. And let me tell you, when you go into a place like that and your all on your own, your having a hard time to have fun. Cuz you arn't even the 3rd wheel. Your nothing :) But, me deciding to need a social life still went on. Eventually I met up with a guy who kicked my ass with Kickboxing class. He's quite a good hearted guy, but his left hook is a killer. I introduded myself to the people he was with in the good old fashion way: Throw them beers! Within seconds I got smiling faces and people were buying me beers back and introducing me to their girlfriends. Now I don't know if this was to say: 'stay off this one. She's mine' or more like: 'hey, pleased to meet you, lets have some drinking fun'. In any case, it worked. I also found out that some of the girls who were there acually didn't have boyfriends hoovering around them. Well, that, plus the girlfriend of the guy form Kickboxing...she was quite pissed off at him about whatever and made that quite clear to me. At one point it felt like she was comming on to me, but hey, I'm -not- that kinda stud. *grin* There was one of the standard 'girl-who-dances-sexy-with-every-guy-who-has-a-heartbeat-' amongst the group of friends, but that kinda put me off. Sure, she looked good and sexy and stuff and all the guys agreed with me completely and urged me to put 'the moves' on her, but no. I'm not that kind of guy...again GOD I'M PATHETIC / STUPID. lol. So eventually I ended up walking the girlfriend of the Kickboxing guy home while he was walking that trashy girl home. Only a few feet apart. We shared a taxi. Girlfriend in front, me, the trashy girl and the Kickboxing guy in the back. Why the hell was he fondling that trashy girl? So hey...his choise. Guess his girlfriend didn't see that... But today was a fun day. It was kickboxing day again! First I did some regular fitness stuff and then I went into the slaughterhouse. I got out with a nice and shining black 'n blue eye, my right arm bruised, bloody nose and I think my left lower leg needs amputation. But it was great! Why? Because after I took a shower and stuff, I went to the bar. There was Linda: the dietist. She makes sure I eat the correct stuff for training. I of course, being the very interested man in that kind of thing, listen to her all the time and do what she says. It has absolutely nothing to do whith the fact that she's a gorgeous young blond female with a smile that lights up the night. And yes, when it comes to women, I'm usually pathetic untill I've beaten up myself enough to acually go out there and try to ask her out and get horribly rejected and stuff. But this time I had something working for me: I was hurt. She acually gave me a hug! (gosh, the things we men can get excited over, huh?) and we talked a lot after that. I guess that I'm falling in love... Thank you Kickboxing. Thank you black & blue eye. Now the only thing I have to do tomorrow is show up at Linda's field hockey practice with some kind of lame excuse and ask her out. I was planning on buying her heart with a lot of chocolate brownies, showing up with a black & blue eye saying that I would really like to take her out for some healthy food, because I can't touch this stuff. Anyone got better ideas? Because they would be welcome. Also, I met up with Victor (kickboxing guy). He told me that his girlfriend practically kicked his arse about what happened last weekend but that they are ok now. Current Mood: predatory (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 9th, 2004
9:52 pm	Resting, resting 123 :) Ah, the great days of having to -not- work but still getting payed. Come to think of it, I don't do that quite enough nowerdays. But then again, who does and can one ever do that enough? Well, what I am going to do after 19th of april is still a question. Yup, spend my time off looking for a job and such. Now the 'results' are comming in. Companies calling me to see if I can come in for an intervieuw. Well, guess thats all good news and such. Better then nobody being interested. Gosh, I feel populair....urg... Well, that all aside: I feel like sharing. Something that's been bugging me for over 1.5 years now and I can't quite let it go... See, I used to be engaged to a girl named Pascalle. We had a relationship for about 4 years. From day 1 we lived together in the same appartment. How come? Well, she moved in next to me, and ever since we hit it off. Anyway, after 3 years, I decided that she was the girl for me. To spend my life with and such. So, I wanted to propose to her. No need to rush the marriage, but to show her that I love her and to emphasise it. In that time, a friend of mine named Brian helped me with preparing my house to propose to her. Pick out the flowers and such. This guy wasn't my -best- friend, but still a good friend. Well, she accepted crying with happyness. All was great. I knew Brian for about 2 years. He was always welcome to visit. Plus, he had some problems with money and stuff, so he frequently stayed over to eat and so on. Well, you know what came next: A year after the engagement he ran off with her. Obviously I freaked out. The only thing keeping me from killing the guy where he stood was....well...I don't know. Even when I type this, 1.5 years later, I have the urge to go over and still take his life. Now, I understand that people will say: "But she is to blame more!" But screw that: I can understand that a woman falls out of love with a man. These things happen. Every relationship has problems. If they get to big, then it's quits. Fine. If she didn't want to go on, she could have just told me and that was it. No further harm done. Also, I can understand it when some guy walks the street, sees a girl he likes and makes contact. Sure, he doesn't know the story. You can't blame him for that. But that was just it. This guy -knew- exactly how much I loved her. He took advantage of my hospitality staying at my place, eating food I offered him...but that wasn't enough...no...he had to have my girl. Amongst friends, this is the greatest crime ever. I was...and still am...willing to do 20+ years in jail for killing him. No problem. I admit it. Thing was, the first half year after the breakup, she moved out of my home and stayed in an appartment only a few 100 meters away. I would have to pass them every day to go to work or do some shopping. I told them that if they didn't move, there would be a day that I couldn't control myself any more and I would defenately kill the guy. So, they moved. Far away. Good thing, because from that day on I had some rest. Finally. With the problems we had in the relationship, I still feel terribly betrayed. But now that's over. I've had some flings with women, but I just can't help not trusting them. Turned out I couldn't anyway. What is it with women nowerdays? At least the ones I meet. They either want a one (or five..whatever) night stand or they don't want to know me. Hey, sure. But that's not what I'm looking for. All that just emphasised my vieuw on women: You can -never- trust them. No matter how much they telll you they love you, they just do -not-. At the first chance they meet some other guy they think is hotter then you, they -will- cheat on you and/or leave you. But ah well...that's just me. But here comes the catch: A friend of mine, Floris, the one who has the Livejournal over here has a girlfriend: Karin. I guess you all know the pair. I for one know Floris longer then Karin. I think he's a great guy. Calm, intelligent and just overall cool. Sure he thinks he's a nerd, but that's his problem: he isn't. Maybe he wants to be one. Hell, I don't really know him and as such I can never be sure. I can only say about him what I see. What I see in the guy is someone who's totally in love with his girl. Just like I was with Pascalle. Plus, I think that Floris deserves this love and Karin is -very-...and I mean: VERY lucky to have a boyfriend like Floris, because there are -not- many guys out there like him. As far as I know him, he'll never treat her bad and such and I know enough bastards out there who would gladly take advantage of Karin and then dump her like yesterdays trash. Something I don't want to happen to her as well. Cuz she's a strange, bouncy and good hearted girl. All in all: I'm rooting for the pair!! Go!! And then it happened. A few weeks ago Karin told me that she thought I was a cool guy. As in boyfriend material. Now the honest truth is that I of course felt flattered. These things are a mayor ego booster. What I also found very important is that she discussed this with Floris and that it's alright. Why? Because I am not interested in her that way. Especially because I know what it feels like to be Floris right now. If you can't understand that, you have not read the story above. Given: I am not such a good friend of Floris (don't see him as much) as Brian was to me. Still, I know how it feels to be ultimately betrayed. So there are my reasons: I -want- them to be together. I am very uncomfortable being in the middle of this, and knowing they both read my journal, I want to make a clear statement: Floris: I am not interested in, nor will I secretly get involved with your girlfriend. I value friendship in this case more. WAY more. Plus, Karin is a friend of mine as wel. So: Karin: You are a great girl. Floris is the better man for you. Trust me. I think your an absolutely crazy and great friend to have. Well, over all I think you get the picture here. Someone I spoke to about this issue advised me to stop having any kind of communication with the both of them. Well, in an ideal world I would. But I do not want to lose two great friends. Plus, I love to play LG with them, since they are great at it :) What a strange and ironic situation... It's almost as if fate is testing me... Current Mood: confused (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 6th, 2004
2:11 pm	Testing, testing 123? Yes yes, I was always wondering what kind of person I am. What kind of personality I have. So, what better way then to let a computer tell you how you really are? After all, doesn't he know you the best of all people? Well, here are the results. Tell me if you think this computer is right, or that he's way off. Or...that I just know how to manipulate tests like these into producing the desired result? Heh...nah, I think I did fill in the test honestly...but with all these kinds of tests, it's the current mood you are in that determines the outcome. One month later, you could have a total different result. Trust me, I know. I've enjoyed -no- 'bringing up' by parents whatsoever, so the government just stuck me to all kinds of tests to bring me up insteadn. So yeah...I know these things in and out. Well, without any further adue: (god I hope this works) Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||| 42% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||| 56% Type 3 Image Awareness |||||||||||||||||| 72% Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||||||||||| 73% Type 5 Detachment |||||| 26% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||| 59% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||| 74% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||||||| 89% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||||||| 74% Your Conscious-Surface type is 8 Your Unconscious-Overall type is 8w9 Take Free Enneagram Personality Test Conscious self Overall self Take Free Enneagram Personality Test Current Mood: excited (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004
11:23 pm	Falling into place and organising Well, what a weekend it was. I got the whole week off, which is a good thing. I get to orginise my life. Not just things like looking for a new job, looking for a new home and such, but also do all of those things you really want to do, but never come around to. Like...getting a haircut for instance. You really underestimate that kind of thing, I mean: how eazy is that to pospone one day? Or buying T-shirts, sleeping, but a cell phone. Yes people, I am acually in the glorious posession of a cell phone! I can call up people and they can call me. The last couple of days I played D&D (Living Greyhawk). That was one helluva sunday. It was great to see all the people acually showing up on such a short notice. It was just as sad to see that I killed two characters. There was a lot to do about this fact, so after killing them, I kinda held back on the third one, thus giving the players a shot in stopping the monster. I was certainly not out on killing them all... Monday I spend on looking for jobs and shopping. Today I spend repairing this friggin' computer and installing a new DVD drive. One that acually isn't broken. Heh. Oh, went to the gym again. They took my picture to put on the gym's website! I'm so fotogenic.....lol. Plus, getting a free drink for getting my picture taken: hey, works for me. On a sidenote: Lately I'm acually worrying about a friend of mine. Her name is Nathalie. She is a 20 year old girl who is currently working three jobs and has an agenda planned full. I never get to meet her...no...I get to -book- her. Even time to relax she acually has to plan in. I've seen people burn out and I've burnt out myself plenty of times. I know my limits, but I get the feeling she either doesn't, or doesn't want to admit it. The more I see her, the more I see that she's breaking down. Barely getting sleep and doing nothing but work all the time and when she takes time to relax, she acually doesn't relax because she sees the 'going to a movie' as a commitment and stuff....I don't want to be the annoying advisor and tell her what to do, so I told her I wouldn't give her any advice, just be there if she needed a hug or wanted my opinion on things... One thing though: Ben & Jerry icecream helped like a charm! Instantly made her smile and laugh :) Current Mood: relaxed (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 29th, 2004
10:55 pm	Back from hell Hmn...back. That was my manager picking me up...but that's another story. To recall on my mother and stuff; Don't get me wrong. I respect her for being my mother and everything, but she's a total different person sometimes. Even more so then with other son and mothers, because I didn't grow up with her. Anyway, I'm going to look for another place to stay. Yesterday just did it. She included one of my friends in her personal circle of friends. Normally that wouldn't be such a problem. Thing is: that circle of friends of hers is like a 'private club' kinda friends. They all have the same interest: SM. Now, to get things clear: I am not into that stuff and having a 'mother' who is, is quite embarassing when your not into it yourself. I mean, come on: how often do I have to defend myself and my mother just because that? Even when somebody reads this, their eyes open and go: what the fuck? Admit it...it makes people think of me differently while I have nothing to do with it. But hey...now she lives with me and invited all her friends over for an evening. I have no problem with it. I respect her interests, just don't expect me to like them as well. So what did I do? Get out of the house. But just as I wanted to leave for the gym, a friend of mine came to my home. To my great embarassement, of course. Turns out he was invited by my mother. Now that just friggin' did it. Her life...FINE! My life: show me the same damn respect and leave it mine! Now I have to friggin' lie to the wife of that friend of mine about what the hell he was doing over at my place. Not that anything happened, but that wife of his is a WAY better friend of mine then he is: She acually prevented me getting kicked out of my house becomming homeless. And now? I got to lie to her? No friggin' way. And I'm not going to hold out on information to her as well. Thank you mom. You just ruined my friendship. Not only take over my house, but do that as well. God why was I so stupid to let her into my life? Hey, not everything is that bad. But still, its better for me to move on anyway. Now...why I had to leave: My manager picked me up for a fiesty talk at the office. Yep, picked me up. I sold my car so hey... Yesterday, because of all kinds of stress (including my mother, almost getting stabbed to death at work, getting all the nightshifts the whole company has, working overtime and a private life going down the drain). So yesterday work wanted to force me to work another two nightshifts. My reply was quite simple. Two of my ten fingers... So, I went to the office to talk it all out. Spoke with the personell manager, some re-intergration manager, unitmanager and rayonmanager. Finally they kinda decided that I was right in having stress. (the almost getting stabbed to death and nobody...absolutely nobody giving a damn kinda did it. Neither police or work did something to punish the guy. He spend 1 hour talking to the cops and then went back home, no fine or ANYTHING. Only thing worse would be the guy getting a medal for trying to kill me.) So, they gave me the whole week off. Also they informed me that due to the lack of work they have for me, they won't renew my contract. So I'm jobless come april. I'm really concidering opening my own company. It'll be just one hall with a lot of punching bags dressed up in 3 piece suits with the name 'manager' pinned on them. Oh, I'll even throw in some gloves for the people to use on them. Its going to make me real rich real fast, I'm sure. Guurrrrrrrrrr. So, after the great talk I went home, ate dinner and went to the gym again. Man I was motivated! Tomorrow kickboxing again. Can't wait. Oh, I'll be looking for a job also. Anyone got nice ideas? Current Mood: pissed off (1 Comment |Comment on this)
2:55 pm	sword of damocles....or sumthin Ah, glorious days. Yesterday I went to the gym after having a nice lil' fight with my mother (who conveniently I took into my home after she broke up with her boyfriend, since she got nowhere else to go). Just to be clear about this: I don't have a mother-son relationship with her, alright? She's been raising me untill age 6, but from then on it was just me and foster homes. So no...I don't really consider her being my mommy. Which is one of the things that makes me having no problem with having words with her. It's more like a roommate thing, this living together, ya know? Thing about roommates is, that they tend to have a total different life and interests then you have, while with a bit of luck they tend to take over your house, driving you back into a real small room where you can still be alone and enjoy -your- way of life. That is, untill I get fed up with her and do not tolerate it any more, resulting in kicking her out of the house or me moving. But hey, I'm a nice (but evil) guy, so I first go bezerk and have lil' fights with her before I'll do that. And yes, yesterday was one of those times. Urg..gotta run...back later. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 28th, 2004
3:01 pm	Things to think about Well, weekend has past. Yes, we have all grown even more older. I have come to think that since I recently started to acually do this diary thing, I have a clearer look on my life. Well, maybe not clearer, but I'm more busy figuring out what the hell I'm really doing with it. I mean: whats the point of having an online diary when you have a crap and uninteresting life? Makes a guy think, ya know. Thinking like "Hmn, ok. How can I acually make my life more interesting?" Well, I started to round up the things I do for fun now. And it shocked me! Damn I'm boring :) What did I do the last couple of days? Hmn...work...play D&D, which I enjoyed a lot acually, but I don't see that being the best thing in life...and work out at the gym. Well, the working out itself is becomming more fun since I somehow get a little bit better at it. Being at the gym itself is WAY fun! Why? Oh man...meeting my friends and of course the women. It's not so strange for us to hang at the bar for hours after working out cuz it's so cozey and stuff. And then you have my Buffy the Vampire Slayer / Angel addiction....oh...and the nightly times at the bar/dancing with my friends on every friday/saterday whenever I don't have to work. Travelling to England, Germany and France.... But that's about it. Lets see what I can do to spice up my life. I already am picking fights with my work. That's all jolly fun. Any ideas? On a side note, I'd like to show my respect and pay condolances to Kaetje and Randakar for their terrible loss. We were playing D&D when her brother had to leave the table. Everybody was shocked. Times like these your painfully reminded on how short we have on this planet and we should make our best of it. I want to say something soothing, strong and helpfull, but the thing I'm gonna do is just sit here, and be there if they ever need me. I know they probably won't, but still. It's the best I can do. Hey, found another thing to make it worth living: Other good people. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 24th, 2004
12:35 am	Day 3 and growing stronger I hate kids... But I want to have ones of my own...sometimes I even think I want them desperately. but I hate kids. Yes, I am insane. But, here goes the therapy again. Today I had the pleasure of waking up, getting an acual grand amount of sleeping time resulting in me being rested. God that feels GOOD! I decided I'd make it a slow day, taking all the time I wanted and needed to finally end up going to work. Yeah, great plan. Works especially -not- when you have a friend like Jacco. Who's Jacco? Well, he's my 'proven-in-hard-times-of-need' best friend. Fair enough, I havn't seen him in quite some time and tomorrow is the day that we go play D&D at his girlfriends house. So, he decided to drop by and do some last minute organising. Which would include turning up at my home at exactly the time when I wanted to take things slow. Ohhh no...He dragged me off to do shopping and I ended up having 15 minutes left to: shower, iron a shirt, prepare food, eat lunch and walk to the bus stop. Needless to say: I'm good, but not -that- fast. I barely made it to work on time. Know that feeling of colleagues looking at you with the evil eye of: "Your one minute gone from being late, but I hate you anyway."? Well, I do now. Anyway, screw that...worse thing was about to come: Kids...lots of em...screaming, kicking and punching eachother....crying...asking all kinds of stupid questions over and over and over and over and over and over again... To be clear: I worked at an Asylumseekerscenter. And what do those parents do when they need to get rid of the kids? Dump em at my porch. "Ohhhh, I want a day off...security will keep an eye on them.." What the phock am I? Babysitter? Man I didn't know how to handle these brats. But then it hit me: Sheer physical violence! I waded through the pleading hands, heads and feet of the masses of kids, varying from age 5 to 17. All screaming my ears off...and I looked for the biggest, strongest and ugliest populair kid there was. The big bully. I told him to shut the phock up, come with me and sit down. But noooooo, he was a tough kid. He couldn't let his rep be hurt in front of all those other kids. Muwhahahahah! Exactly how I liked it! I grabbed his arms, twisted them around his back, lifted him off the ground by the back of his belt and -made- him walk to my office, throwing him into the chair with aaaaaaaaaaal the other kids watching. He stood up and wanted to struggle. I kinda foulded him double and again made him sit down. Man that felt good! Instantly all the other kids shut up and the big kid got the message: I was stronger then him. After a little talk I had all the kids do 20 pushups....all kids in a row...well...some gave up after 10 or 5...but still... Now they love me....and they shut up and go away when I tell them to. My colleagues couldn't believe it when they saw it. Appearantly they had probs with the kids for two years. Yeah, I'm going to be one helluva father. Any takers? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 22nd, 2004
11:43 pm	Day 2 in the life of Me! Well, I guess I've figured this thing out. After a bit of chatting around and lots of great advice I know how I'm gonna treat this thing: A diary. Hey, like stated before, it's therapeutic, and since Randakar pointed out in the past: I'm an evil bastard, so hey, therapy isn't wasted on me! Well, another day in paradise. After a dreadfull boring nightshift where nothing really interesting happened I woke up, got ready for the gym (again) and headed off. In case nobody noticed yet: I'm an evil, but -poor- bastard. I have to walk to the gym. Luckily it isn't that far away and it wasn't freezing that much, but hey. I've been doing this fitness stuff for two monts now and finally I'm noticing a bit of progress. I'm not totally exaused after 10 minutes of running any more. Quite the contrary: I think I'm elegable to run the full 30 minutes of a 5 km run soon. I also noticed that people at the gym are acually asking -my- advice on how to use the equipment over there. I can tell you, it's a great ego booster if you hang around the gym with people who are acually worse then you in sports. Well, that young blond and beautifull diet-specialist-girl who works there also makes up the efford. Somehow whenever she makes a round, all the males put on an extra 50 kg's to their weightlifting and start to smile, no matter how bad their muscles are ripping themselves apart. Again with the influence of women....I'll try to get a picture of her on here. Who knows. Truth to tell, the thing that keeps me going to the gym is not only my ego needing boosting, but also a -very- good friend of mine. Her name is Nathalie. She's a perfect example of someone you are absolutely in love with, because she likes the same things as you do, likes to talk with you about the stuff you want to talk about all day (like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, D&D)....and ...girls... Yup, that's the main problem. Well, not hers of course, but mine. She's everything I look for in a companion for life, but when it comes to romance, she'd like the dietist-girl more then me. But hey, she's my project, ok? Not that I have half a chance, but hey. While writing this, I imagine myself walking around there in a scottish kilt......god knows why... Anyway, after the training and working out and stuff I sat down to have a chat. At one point I made a REAL stupid remark. Something I'm REALLY good in....and I said it to Nathalie. Instantly her face went from happy to a devil woman about to eat my brains out. Man I was so upset. I mean, I can take any kind of anger, insults, death threats or evil-eyes from people who don't like me... But when somebody I like so much does that, I'm devastated. I apologised, of course and we made up with a friendly hug, which was a good thing. Still, I have learnt something today: When you are interested in a woman, man or whatever...find out how that person is when he or she is angry, because when that person likes you back, he or she acts different around you then to others. But there will be a time when that relation changes, and you positively want to know how somebody is around other people but you. Because today....man...she really scared me. I feel like I have to get to know her all over again. Something that proves that you can never know somebody in and out, because no matter what good of a relationship you have with that person, he or she will always keep things from you, no matter how honest he or she claims to be. Usually because they don't want to hurt you or because they don't even know they are keeping things from you... Urg...therapy...feel it working already? Anyway, physically I'm moving upwards. Bring on the girls!!! Woohoo! (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 21st, 2004
4:56 pm	Oh god, I'm here... Well, I guess it was inevetable. I'm here. After some time looking around on the live journal of a friend of mine, I kinda decided to give this a shot. It will be hard to me, I must admit. Why? Well, because I've read some pretty personal stuff over here from friends of mine and I don't know if it's such a good idea to vent your life and keep a diary for everybody else to just vieuw. Then again, this can work very therapeutic! Yes, I'll keep telling myself that. Maybe in that way this won't be so very utterly strange. Aaaanyway, I'm here and I guess I'll take off from today... Ever told you guys that I have a love/hate relationship with nightshifts? Well, now you know. These buggers have the magical ability to mess up your social life almost beyond repair, but on the up side it's usually so quiet that you can do anything you want while at work and still make money. The only trick is to stay awake and acually have something -interesting- to do to keep you awake. And I'm not talking about bringing a girl to work, because well, she would be kinda hard to hide if needed. Plus, when some work acually presents itself, I need my damn clothes to be on and need to be able to run 'n stuff. Trust me, you don't run so fast with your pants on your ankles... If anyone out there wonders what kind of work I do, it's security. Yup, security. Hey, stop laughing, ok? It's a friggin' job, pays my bills, honest pay even -and- I get to beat up bad people. Which is a good thing if your a good guy. I've been doing it for about 8 years now and I'm still alive. Which, in my book, is quite the accomplishment. I've seen rockstars with tons of cash and a super life not even survive for that long, ok? Hmn, anyway... Life is looking up. I'm back in training. In fact, I gotta be at the gym in about 30 minutes from now. Urg..."progress is a slow process". Hell, I don't know about that one. Depends on how much progress you can stuff in one day. I work out about 4 to 5 times a week with 2 hour sessions a day. If this is going to be slow, I'm in for one hell of a long period of pain and suffering. Heh... Anyway, this working out stuff? It's quite important to me. I guess to me it's a kind of therapy trying to whipe out the insecurity of me losing my fiance to a (former) best friend of mine. Geez, what women can do to you even when they are gone for over a year. But hey, that's a whole different story... Now I'm up for some suffering, but first I'm going to the gym. Work's not till 23.00 hours. (2 Comments |Comment on this)